6.21.2017

The taste for sweetness lost on burnt tongues

Looking for reasons to scorch fertile earth

 

Familiar shames boil to the surface, and then are reconstituted

All in the blink of an eye

Before they can be skimmed off to salvage the rest

 

Eyeing true growth has me searching for a name for what we have

(I hunger for understanding but no longer wish to be troubled by it)

6.17.2017 pt.2

I need some time alone

To think

Not apart from you, but in the absence of you

 

My periphery is more lively than my foreground, and I know I must refocus

Not for the sake of the story, but in the interest of clarity

Reignite the fire that once nearly consumed me

 

But I can’t stop thinking about you in my childhood home

6.16.2017

I feel darkness creeping into me

The lines on your face are more defined when the lights are off

And I can sense the quarter century you own on the surface of your skin

 

I am not sure how instrumental I want you to be in the functions of my life

Windows and opportunity clouded by aesthetic, struggle, and momentary satisfaction

All of which are not my own

 

When did you begin looking at me with a critical eye?

And getting this drunk

Panicking when the flask is empty — the word “need” perched on the tip of your tongue

(Like an addict)

 

I want your warmth and softness without the sharpness of your glances

Or half-promises

Or indifferent kisses

 

Can you at least pretend that I’m still magic

Please touch me

I still melt beneath your fingertips

5.30.2017

With you, my mask feels like an encumbrance

Except in moments that the bitterness in my thoughts can be tasted on my tongue

 

Blue lights flicker in one eye but not the other

Biding time in the space between content and restless

Periphery

 

Gravel fills my shoes

Reminding me that in this world, there exists stone, steady and sure, on which to plant my feet

If only I would allow my skin to touch it

5.27.2017

Impervious to warmth

Though you wrap yourself around me and call it comfort

Call it grounding

And then say nothing at all

 

“I’ve missed you”s muttered through shaking breath

Sighs, moans

I lose myself in our kisses, and find myself once more

Afterwards

In the mirror — eyes, lifeless

Burdened with the weight of disappointment

3.9.2017

Blues

Watercolor on the skin

 

I will not look you in the eye while I lie about the origin of these bruises

Or at all today

 

I see you growing tired

These months carving caverns beneath your eyes

You are not lacking in compassion

Only endurance

 

I am tired, too

I cannot keep my eyes open

I want to go to sleep while I’m still happy

2.25.2017

Tears and snowflakes falling at similar intervals

As I consider how you want to kill yourself in order to fertilize the breeding ground of your reincarnation

I am so in love with this version of you

I worry my heart will die when they do

 

I am mourning a loss that has not yet occurred

And wondering if there is a quota for how much pain can be accommodated within one relationship

I’m finding myself holding in my hurt

So that you may suffer more comfortably

 

It feels like familiar sickness

Contorting myself into tolerable doses

Eventually non-existence

While watching you bind and alter to attain your truest form